Do you need validating?
This question has come up a lot recently, with clients,
with friends and with myself.
How much do we need to be validated before we give up, throw the towel in, storm off on a self sabotage tantrum?!
What do we do anything for?
Do we do it to get appraisal, do we strive to do better for ourselves, or for others to tell us how well we have done?
When you set a goal, who are you setting this goal for ?
Is it really for you, or are you trying to impress someone else?
Perhaps you always need motivating, comforting, someone to notice that you didn’t give up and that you soldered on, despite the huge pressure against you from achieving your goal?
And if they don’t notice what is your reaction ? Self pity- lack of self worth?
Or maybe you are ok with not being validated, maybe you are thick skinned, but the moment someone questions your integrity or insults your path, thats your cue to go nuts- because YOU DON”T DESERVE THIS !
I have been doing my own soul searching on this one as well.
And the way I teach this to clients is to do a meditation on self love and self appreciation. The more you tell yourself you are doing brilliantly they less you need to hear it from others.
And by the way there is a million reasons you will not hear it from others.
Jealousy, fear, parents wanting to make you strong, husbands wanting you to be a fighter, and sometimes when you are desperate to hear some validation from someone, that desperate feeling makes people run a mile. That energy is ugly to be around.
You can’t force people to validate you but you can change your own self worth. And the more you shine, the more confident you feel and sing with your energy, the more people will want to be around you and the more you will feel their loving energy, their desire to be around you- And that loving energy is your validation.
One of the reasons we can need validation is because we are so used to a verbal cue rather than just tuning in to the fact that people love and appreciate us. If we spend more time being mindful and appreciating others, we get it right back, 10 fold…
So, some quick and easy exercises to do
1) Show validation/appreciation to others without verbally saying anything- and then feel that back when people do it to you.
2) Show yourself self gratitude- love and appreciate your wonderful gifts and how well you are doing and tell yourself this every day.
3) Appreciate the rewards you are given for your amazing life, every day, no matter how small.
Lots of love